My running has been sporadic, to say the least, since my wife passed away 4 months ago. I actually started running again with friends but then I just isolated myself and stopped running. I realized I use up my emotional reserves every time memories of my wife hit me hard. By then I had nothing to give to running.
But one memory inspired me to return to running for good. As I was going through her closet, I saw one letter she wrote to me on Father's Day in 2006 offering a 10k run for me. That 10k turned out to be her last run. The following month, her doctor told her that her cancer recurred and metastasized.
As tears flowed, I knew that I should go back to running. But it wasn't easy getting back up on my feet. My grieving was draining and exhausting me. I didn't realize that it could affect me physically. I had to dig deep for some kind of motivation to get me out there.
|On my shoe, my wife's name, "Jinky"|
Today, with God's help and my wife's intercession, I was able to muster the courage to start again. It was one lazy afternoon and 93 degrees outside; and I was alone at home. It was the perfect day to stay indoors and watch TV. However, I got up from the couch and went to the bedroom to change to my running gear. Then I took a marker and wrote my wife's name on my pair of shoes.
I walked the the whole block until the corner; then like a plane after being a given an all clear from the control tower, I took off running. I chose a favorite 9-mile route on the suburban streets where I live. I knew this route and every crack on the sidewalk by heart; but I haven't returned to it in months. It felt good, reliving lots of fond memories, running this route then coming back home to my wife who was always waiting for me to return.
Every run is for you, my beloved wife! Long may I run!