A Bend In The Road

My friend Enrique, running his first ever marathon at the California International Marathon (CIM), was starting to get utterly exhausted when he saw Mile Marker #26. Excited to finish and thinking that that was the finish, he began to sprint all out to the marker. What he didn’t realize was that the finish line was actually 285 yards more around the bend! The finish at the CIM was a straightaway of about one and a half miles, then two hairpin left turns. With the benefit of hind sight, he said that explained why there was hardly any fanfare at Mile 26. But he was enthralled to see the cheering crowd and the celebration when he made the turn at the bend.

Highland Road in Danville, CA. Picture taken
coming down from my grief retreat at San Damiano.

How interesting to see that sometimes our journey in life happens in a similar way. We go through life on a

straight path then suddenly there’s a bend in the road. Sometimes these turning points in our journey are not of our own choosing, but how we deal with them can define who we are. I met Joan at a grief weekend retreat. She was happily married for 30+ years when she lost her husband to suicide. She agonized in grief and guilt for quite some time, but after a few years she decided to go back to school even at her old age to become a grief counselor.

The road of life is never easy. Just when you think that yours is really hard, then you learn of somebody’s that’s even more tragic. In that same weekend, I met different people whose lives have been greatly affected by a death of a loved one. But one thing I saw common in all of them was that at the bend in the road, they hung on to their faith in God. They trust that that same bend in the road will actually lead them to God. I remember my son’s coach in track and field when he was running the curve in the 200 meters telling him to lean in. He said to counteract the force that pushes you outward when you run the curve, you need to lean into the curve. Trust those bends on the road are God’s, and then lean on Him.

This Sunday, on September 29^th, I will be running the Half Moon Bay International Marathon (HMBIM). Unlike the CIM, the Half Moon Bay Marathon has a hilly finish. It also has a dozen of hairpin twists and turns! But I’m actually thankful for those bends on the road up and down the hilly course because they allow for an easier and safer running. Imagine if you want to avoid the turns and just go straight up the hill, you would have to negotiate an extremely steep slope!

The HMBIM will be #33 on the road to my “50 x 50” goal. Fifty marathons by the time I turn 50 years old. I will also run this race holding a pink rose in honor of my wife; and I will also be running this race bringing with me your prayer requests. You can post your special intentions on this website, send it via email prayingrunner@gmail.com, or post in on my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/prayingrunner. You can also show your support by running with me or liking my FB page to hopefully reach other people who need prayers. I hope to run into each one of you one day; till then Godspeed!

P.S. Remember my friend Enrique who ran the CIM? I’m happy that, in spite of running on empty, he dug deep and sprinted those last two turns to see what lies beyond the bend – a glorious finish!

Defeat

There are no victors where there are no losers.

The 1982 Boston Marathon was headlined as “The Greatest Boston Marathon” because of two American runners who went at each other’s heels for the entire 26.2 miles, ending in the narrowest margin of victory in the history of the race. It was so close but in the end there was one winner.  Alberto Salazar beat Dick Beardsley by a margin of 2 seconds. Beardsley was once asked, “For 26 miles, how can you not run faster by 2 seconds?”

All of us have experienced defeat of some sort.  Not just in running. No one can avoid them anywhere. Somehow there is a defeat for everyone.

I have my own share of plethora of defeats in life; many of them I have overcome; but a few still remind me the feeling of loss. The first one happened 30 years ago. I was a high school senior competing for a college scholarship via a qualifying examination and interview. Of the 5 selected in our high school to compete, I was the only one who did not make it. The second defeat happened only 2 years ago. I stood by my wife as she fought breast cancer, especially the last 5 years of her 11 year battle. It was my fight as much as it was hers. I prayed to God to defeat her illness; but we lost.

I still bear these defeats today not so much for the pain as it is for the loss I feel. I have since resumed with my life after my losses but I know something is still lacking. I am like music that lost its melody; like sunshine that lost its warmth. I’m like a lover that lost its heart; like a runner that lost its motion.

This year, when I started to take a new path and experienced fear and doubt, old memories echo what I've lost in my past defeats – my faith in God. I am unable to see my present joys and victories .

However, take solace.  There is something magnanimous about defeats. It is not all about loss; for God loves losers as much as victors. So, to my dear readers, even when both praying and running are hard to do now, I will keep moving on with hope. In due time, I will be able to fully appreciate God's special gift to me.

Revisiting a Mile Marker

Thanks to technology today, you could start running at any point and your GPS gadget could mark down the mile markers for you as you run. It's really neat. I ran 20 miles with a friend recently who had a GPS running watch; he set the watch before we ran and his watch would beep faithfully every time we reach a mile. It's nice to have a device to remind you of markers in your routes; but for a bare runner like me, I usually take the familiar road and know all of the mile markers by heart.

In our life's path, we all have these mile markers that easily remind us of important events in our lives. Mile markers that evoke the same old feelings or perhaps some surprising growth. Around this time of the year, I am revisiting a few sentimental mile markers in my life's journey. Allow me to share them with you in my next few entries - not much about the event itself as it is about the meaning I take away from it.

Two years ago in early February, my wife and I sought a second opinion from a breast cancer specialist at the University of California in San Francisco (UCSF) Cancer Center and to ask about newer treatment plans and to even participate in clinical studies if need be, to find a cure for my wife's cancer. However, after interviews, evaluations and discussion with the oncologists, it was determined that my wife was too weak to tolerate the effects of any treatment plan. Not giving up hope, I wrote in her journal, "It seems to be a setback,but we still have faith on the current chemo drugs she is taking...We know that God continues to heal her through all the treatments. She is aware of her weakening condition, but she is not ready to give up just yet."

Ash Wednesday 2011.  Praying Runner with Jinky at
Kaiser Hospital a month before she passed away.
PR's reason for running...

Around this time of the year, too, is the anniversary of her cancer survivorship (February 7th). It was her  11th year. 11 is my favorite number and I was very hopeful for another full year. There were not many good signs though - "She's still having trouble with the coughing and pain on her left side due to fluid in her lungs. Mobility also an issue." - I wrote.

Looking back, I realized how difficult it was to hope against hope. But to do it for someone you love, you would do whatever it takes to keep moving on. You see the real meaning of taking it one day at a time because each day counted so much and you treasure every single one of it as it passes. So I finished my entry in the journal for that day quoting from an "oldies" song Today*.  "A million tomorrow shall all pass away, 'ere I forget all the joy that is mine today." I thank God for every 'today' I spend with her. I love you, Jinky. You are the home of my heart."


*The song "Today" on YouTube  (You can skip the commercial at the beginning.) Song was also popularized by the late John Denver.

The Epiphany

Did you know that The Magi who followed the Star of Bethlehem traveled an exceptionally long distance to pay homage to the baby Jesus? Some theorists said that they journeyed about 1,000 to 1,200 miles. Talk about endurance and long distance. That, by early Roman Empire standards and even modern categories, is incredibly far.

In training, runners can cover that mileage over a period of time, but not without battling pain and overcoming bad days. There’s tremendous adversity to handle to complete a certain mileage to be able to successfully finish a race. It changes the life of a person so much so that it is said that, “The person who starts a race is not the same person who finishes the race.”

In a similar way, I think The Magi who traveled an ultra-long distance, were transformed. Even more so, upon seeing the star and seeing the child Jesus, they were never the same again. It was the Epiphany of the Lord to The Magi and to the world. God shone the Star of Bethlehem and led them to their Lord and Savior.

NO U-TURN. Once you see the light of
the Lord, it makes a difference in your
life that you never want to go back
to your old ways.

This past Christmas, after another year of journeying life without my wife, I think I finally saw the star in the sky. With lots of praying and prayers from you, I was enlightened to see the joy of living in the present and leaving the past behind. My grieving may not get “done”, but my current situation can have a good outcome. All of us had troubled days, but those are now past and gone. God’s star “over the place where the child Jesus was” will bring us joy and hope for a renewed life.

Now the Magi, “having been warned in a dream not to return to Herod, departed for their country by another way.” (Matthew 2:12). The Magi, though they were instructed by Herod to return upon seeing the Child, did not go back to Herod. Once you see the light of the Lord, it makes a difference in your life that you never want to go back to your old ways. When God shines His light to you, you will be filled with grace so much so that there’s no u-turning anymore. Onward forward ahead!

God speed!

Did you know that The Magi who followed the Star of Bethlehem travelled an exceptionally long distance to pay homage to the baby Jesus? Some theorists said that they journeyed about 1,000 to 1,200 miles. Talk about endurance and long distance. That, by early Roman Empire standards and even modern categories, is incredibly far.

In training, runners can cover that mileage over a period of time, but not without battling pain and overcoming bad days. There’s tremendous adversity to handle to complete a certain mileage to be able to successfully finish a race. It changes the life of a person so much so that it is said that, “The person who starts a race is not the same person who finishes the race.”

In a similar way, I think The Magi who travelled an ultra-long distance, were transformed. Even more so, upon seeing the star and seeing the child Jesus, they were never the same. It was the Epiphany of the Lord to The Magi and to the world. God shone the Star of Bethlehem and led them to their Lord and Savior.

This past Christmas, after another year of journeying life without my wife, I think I finally saw the star in the sky. With lots of praying and prayers from you, I was enlightened to see the joy of living in the present and leaving the past behind. My grieving may not get “done”, but my current situation can have a good outcome. All of us had troubled days, but those are now past and gone. God’s star “over the place where the child Jesus was” will bring us joy and hope for a renewed life.