A Different Race



With my wife at home from the hospital

 I missed the Napa Valley Marathon on March 8, 2011.  I have not run for 10 days.  I will be unable to run today.  But I am running a different "race".

The weekend of the marathon I brought my wife to the Emergency and was eventually admitted to the hospital due to hallucinations.  After a few days of fluid and antibiotic infusion, the doctors informed that my wife's health is declining fast because of the cancer metastases to her liver and lungs. Her prognosis does not look very good.  After 5 days in the hospital we have decided to take her home and start hospice care.  Rather than treating her cancer, the goal is now to provide her comfort and dignity.

The last few days have totally changed my routine, specially my training runs.  I have 0 mileage and have been spending my time on my wife's bedside.  But I am still a praying runner...running a different race.  It's my wife's race to the finish.  She is fighting a good fight but she needs me.  And I will run this race with her.  The truth is all my marathon trainings are being put into good use.  Sleepless nights, long days of watching her and giving care yet with short rest then start a new day.  Like a marathon, you keep going until the finish, thinking of resting after crossing the line, then getting ready again to train for your next race.

Nope, no mileage for awhile.  But still running.  Running a "race" to rest in God - for my wife.

Until The Finish Line Do Us Part

Me and my reason for running

Today my wife celebrates 11 years as a breast cancer survivor.  She was originally diagnosed of Stage 2 breast cancer in 2000.  It went up to Stage 4 in 2006 when the cancer came back and metastasized to her lungs, liver, bones, and brain.  The cancer continues to progress, but she is determined to fight.

I ran 11 miles today in her honor.  It is nothing compared to what she has gone through the past 11 years.  But it is my way of saying I will be by her side until until the finish line do us part.

"Yesterday is history.  Tomorrow is a mystery.  Today is a gift.  That is why it is called the present."  Thank you, God, for the gift of everyday with her.

For my wife's healing journey and update on her condition, visit  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/ajcumagun

Starting Over

Okay so it's been a full month without updates.  I try not to give excuses because it's a done deal.  A month has passed without updates.  However, bear with me as I explain what has transpired to me the past month.

Two big events.  The first one is that we moved.  I was consumed by the whole moving episode.  I packed, cleaned, hauled, and packed, cleaned, and hauled.  What made it more challenging is that we were downsizing, so I had to minimize what I had to move.  Now that we've moved, the next chapter is the unpacking.  You guys know.  I'm sure you've done some moving at least once in your life.  One thing I discovered, moving and running don't mix.  I was able to get some runs in during the week, but I missed two weekends without doing long runs.  Bummer!

The other event is that my wife is getting weaker lately.  As you know, my wife is fighting Stage 4 Breast Cancer.  The scans have shown slight progression of the metastases in her lungs and liver.  We sought a second opinion from a respected breast cancer specialist at University of California San Francisco (UCSF) Cancer Center.  The prognosis is not to great.  She recommended a new treatment on clinical trial but she thinks that she is too weak to handle the regimen.  There is another chemo drug that she names, but our doctor thinks that it might be better to give the current treatment plan a few more cycles before we decide any change of plans.  I have been staying with my wife more often everyday especially during weekends, instead of doing my running routines.  When I see that she's feeling a little better, or fast asleep, then I head out to run.

Today I found myself time to do a long run.  My wife was feeling relaxed and she encouraged me to do my running plans.  And on the road, I promised myself to post on my blog.  I'm not going to worry about the missed days to write, but I'm just going to start over.  This was my motto, too, during my moving experience.  Starting over.

I'm a runner so I know what it's like to get behind the starting line over again for every race.  What matters is that I'm back and ready to go for it at the sound of the gun.

What Are Your Goals?

"Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another." -- John Dewey

I've done 21 marathons and I'm on the road to do 29 more when I turn 50 years old.  That's my 50 by 50 goal.  A friend of mine teased me and asked why not just do one marathon a month.  I replied, "That will be my goal after 50."

It's a lifestyle now.  I do it for my health and to keep me motivated.  The number of marathons is just a goal but arriving at it is just as motivating and exciting for me.  Hence, for every race I do, my last step on the finish line is also the first step of my training for the next.

Lately I also set a spiritual goal for myself.  However, my spiritual goal is written differently than a running goal which is quantifiable.  It is phrased in form of a prayer.  It is a prayer that I think will help me become more aware of God's presence and His work in everything in my life.  "Lord, increase my faith and protect me from all anxieties.  I offer all my works, joys, and sufferings for the day.  Amen."  This goal is my direction, my desire, my prayer.  I may never arrive at its full completion, but I will strive to attain it everyday.

When you think about your running or exercise goals, think about your heart's desire as well.  Take a moment to pray over it and ask God to lead you towards your spiritual goal.

What's Your Time?

It's not uncommon among runners to ask about their finish time in a race.  First time runners, sophomore runners, veteran runners - they all ask that question unabashedly.  However, there are some runners who don't ask and those who don't answer truthfully. The business of asking and answering this question is really a matter of your comfort level.  I think that it's better not to ask especially to somebody you don't know too well; but when asked and you don't want to answer directly, you can say something like, "My time was better than last year's." My favorite one is to simply say, "I really had a great time!"

Time is very important to runners.  First, they need to make time during their busy day for running.  Then when running, they are keeping time all the time.  After running, they record their time.  Long after the run, they remember the time.  But time is also important to non-runners.  They go about life dictated by time, especially in urban parts of the world.  This time is human time or "chronos".  It is the other meaning of time in Greek which means chronological time.  It's time that measures a duration of an event.  There is however, another meaning of time.  In Greek, it is called "kairos".  It is that undetermined period of time when something special happens. It differs from "chronos" which is quantitativee time.  "Kairos" refers to the qualitative form of time.  In the Bible, it is God's time.